"Any Old Prolapse": Support on Mumsnet

Please note that the Prolapse Information Project does not necessarily endorse the views expressed by members of the support communities I link to. As always, I encourage you to do your own research and use evidence-based treatments.  

Often being diagnosed with a prolapse can be a very isolating experience. Many women don't have anyone to talk to about prolapse in their day-to-day life, or they may feel uncomfortable even bringing the topic up.

 

This is what makes online support communities so valuable.

 

Many online parenting communities have a lot of threads about prolapse, but often these threads are calls for help from people who have just been diagnosed, and usually they receive few replies. These threads often lack a 'voice of experience', who can answer questions based on having gone through the same thing.

 

The "Any Old Prolapse" thread on Mumsnet is unique. It has been running since 2009, and is very active. There are new posts almost every day, and often more than one, so if you post there you can expect a reply fairly soon. There are also many members who have been there a long time, and have a lot of experience to share about managing prolapse. You may also be able to share your experience. This community is very welcoming.

 

You can find the latest part of this thread here: Part 8.

 

Wound Care - How to Look After Yourself Post-Operation or After Childbirth

 

There is a lot of conflicting information on the internet about how to care for wounds. Much of it is unfortunately not based on clear evidence.

Your first source of information should of course be the health professional who performed your surgery or delivered your baby. However, it can be difficult to know where to turn if the information you have received is insufficient, contradictory, or if you received no information at all.

The following page from Mater Hospital in Queensland provides up-to-date information on how to care for a third or fourth degree tear following childbirth: Recovering from 3rd or 4th degree perineal tears.

 

Though this page naturally includes specific information on third a fourth degree tears, it also has good general guidelines on caring for genital wounds. It also warns you against some of the incorrect advice circulating on forums (such as drying yourself with a hairdryer, which can put you at risk of burns if you have reduced sensation in the area). Remember, online forums are best used as a source of support, or as the start of your research into your treatment.

 

The most important thing to remember is that your wound requires regular cleaning and monitoring. Though you may not want to look at or touch the area, particularly if you have just had a traumatic birth, it is vital that it receives proper attention. If you can not bring yourself to care for your wound, ask a trusted family member or friend to help you. If you do not feel comfortable doing this, then you need to urgently seek help from your doctor or hospital. You are at risk of infection or other complications if you do not keep your wound clean. If you cannot get help anywhere else, go to your local hospital emergency department, and explain that you need mental health support in dealing with your wound.

 

As always, I encourage you to ask for the help you need, and to continue asking until someone helps you.  

At the Prolapse Information Project, I always recommend you seek professional medical advice, even if it means that you need to seek a second opinion in order to feel confident about what you have been told. The information in this article is provided only to help you become informed about your care.

Prolapse After Childbirth: Common, Not Normal

 

Many women are told by health professionals - GPs, midwives, obstetricians, and gynaecologists - that prolapse after childbirth is normal. In the vast majority of cases, this is probably intended to be reassuring.

 

It's also true that prolapse after childbirth is common, but there is a subtle but important difference between common and normal.

 

Common means that something often happens. Women do often experience prolapse after childbirth, as a result of labour or of the pregnancy itself. The most recent data suggests that at least 1 in 5 new mums experience prolapse, and this figure is being revised up as more women feel able to seek help for their symptoms.

 

Normal has a different meaning. It suggests that not only is something to be expected, but that it is acceptable and perhaps even inevitable. To a pregnant woman, telling her that prolapse is normal implies that there is nothing she can do to prevent it happening, or to stop it getting worse if it has already occurred. To a mum with prolapse, it tells her to just accept what has happened, and not to bother anyone about it. It implies that prolapse is a normal, but unspoken, part of being a woman and she will just embarrass herself if she brings it up. It tells her that other women just deal with it, and that if she can't face just dealing with her symptoms (however distressing) then she is not a normal woman.

 

Telling a woman that prolapse is normal is giving her a life sentence.

 

If you are a health professional, consider carefully the message that your words give your patients, however unintentional.

 

If you are a woman suffering from prolapse, do not feel pressured into just accepting your condition as it is. Ask for help, and keep asking until someone helps you. A good place to start is the Getting Help and Resources tags on this website.

Talking to Your Partner About Prolapse

Talking to your partner about prolapse may be difficult, but is worth it.

 

Being diagnosed with a prolapse can feel very socially isolating. Worse, it may feel as if you can't even discuss the condition in detail with your partner. This may be because you are concerned it will cause them to see you differently, or it may be because you feel that you can't discuss symptoms such as incontinence.

 

However, if you can overcome your reservations, and share your condition with your partner, you may find that not only are they a great ally in your struggles, but that it may deepen your intimacy and strengthen your relationship.

 

Talking about prolapse with your partner may not be easy, particularly if you are not used to talking about your genitals with your partner, or about your health issues. The following websites cover communication skills. It may be useful for you, and your partner, to review these prior to discussing your prolapse in detail, in order for you to both have a positive experience of the discussion.

• "How can we communicate better?" is produced by the charity LoveIsRespect.org, which promotes healthy relationships
• "Effective Communication" is from HelpGuide.org, an online charity that provides accurate, up to date, mental health information
• "Communication" is produced by Relationships Australia, a large Australian charity that gives people skills to have positive interpersonal relationships

For an example of a supportive partner, P. R. Newton's memoir And Then My Uterus Fell Out may be useful. Newton shared her problems with her husband, who proved to be a true partner to her.

If you have a pre-existing reason not to trust your partner, do not feel obliged to share information about your health with them. Use your judgement, and consider your emotional and physical safety. Sharing private details will not 'fix' a relationship that already has problems.

The Importance of Being Able to Discuss Your "Down There" Anatomy

Most readers of this blog will live in a culture where you are not meant to discuss your private parts - certainly not with a stranger, and in some cases not even with an intimate partner. This means that when we absolutely have to, we use generalisations (see if you can spot the two used so far in this article).

So what's wrong with this, and how does it relate to prolapse?

Embarrassment about discussing our genitals is a big reason why some women do not seek treatment for their prolapse. It also means that when women do seek treatment, they often use vague descriptions that may give medical practitioners  an unclear idea about the situation. Unless you have a GP with truly phenomenal people skills, you are much less likely to get examined if you say "Things have been a bit different down there since childbirth" than if you say "I have a lump at the entrance of my vagina and my perineum is very sore."

One of the diagrams from Scarlet Teen

 

 

Here is a great resource from Australian sex ed website Scarlet Teen that takes you on a guided tour of your genitals: The Vagina, Clitoris, Uterus and More. While you may not feel comfortable looking closely at your genitals or touching them in certain ways, the diagrams on this website will really help you to identify and name each of the parts of your anatomy.

 

The next step is to practise using this terminology. You could do this by saying the terms aloud to yourself, or talking to an intimate partner or trusted friend. If you find yourself really unable to say these terms, consider using them in a written explanation of your symptoms which you can then give to your doctor. You may even wish to show this page to someone acting as your advocate, and ask them to speak to the doctor on your behalf.

Being an Advocate for a Family Member or Friend

 

An 'advocate' is someone who supports a patient and helps to ensure their wishes are respected. An advocate is usually a friend or family member, although some hospitals do have professional patient advocates.

 

There are a few benefits of having someone to advocate for you at medical appointments. Your advocate can:

• Help you plan for an appointment by writing a list of questions you would like to ask, or a script for part of the conversation you are nervous about
• Attend the appointment with you, and help you talk about aspects of your condition that you find upsetting or embarrassing
• Prevent you from being (however unintentionally) steam-rolled by a over-confident or overly-busy health professional
• Provide emotional support if you are asked upsetting questions or required to undergo procedures you find distressing

If you would like to advocate for a loved one, here is a good resource from the American Urogynecologic Society about how to do so effectively: Tips for being a Health Advocate.

Prolapse Health - An Online Support Forum

Please note that here at the Prolapse Information Project I do not necessarily endorse the views expressed by members of the other support communities I link to. As always, I encourage you to do your own research and use evidence-based treatments.  

Prolapse Health is a relatively large online community, with a number of active forums.

 

A great feature of the site is the fact that there are specific forums for each type of treatment (eg. surgery, alternative therapies) so you can discuss your treatment with like-minded people, regardless of what your views are.

 

There is also a forum for people to post their stories and share updates on their condition. It can be great to discuss your prolapse and the impact it has on your life in a supportive environment. Taking care of your mental health is just as important as your physical health, and feeling as if someone is 'hearing you' is a big part of this.